The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (not really)
There’s something about these 24-hour 7-Elevens that just doesn’t add up to me. According to my calculations, they should be 8,760/365s.
“There’s a thin line between being a hero and being a memory.” –Optimus Prime, 1984
While waiting in the basement for the elevator, some genius asked me if the elevator was going up. I told him that it did go up, and if he closed his eyes and wished really hard, then it could go sideways, too. I took the stairs.
Is your family happy, or do you go home at night?
Just heard a guy say, “Now that’s the biggest insurance scam in the world!” Someone asked, “What’s that?” Guy replies, “Insurance.” Crack kills.
ECNALUBMA means “get off your phone and move out the way!!!!!” in English.
Early morning drinking needs to stop. Why? Just ask the drunk dude I just saw doing push-ups in a puddle of milk.
Saw a guy talking on his phone last weekend, saying “You can’t be as oily as I am.” I didn’t stick around to hear anymore.
If a one-legged man shops during a half-off shoe sale, shouldn’t he get another half off the sale price since he’s really buying only shoe?
I find it odd that the word “sweater” can mean a person who sweats a lot or a knitted jacket that keeps you warm in cold weather–weather that usually doesn’t make you sweat.
While waiting for the light to change, I saw a woman pull out a pregnancy test from its packaging, in traffic. My immediate response was to wonder, “Is she going to do that now?”
There were 8 LAPD cars in front of my building last night. Apparently, there was a potential jumper on the roof. But EIGHT cop cars? I’m guessing this person must’ve been tossing down doughnuts.
I knew a lady who would go through a whole pack of Chips Ahoy with her kids, dipping each cookie into a tub of butter. Yeah. I know. Terrible way to feed a kid. I agree. Double Stuff Oreos would’ve been better.
Ever wonder why there aren’t any drive-bys done in hybrids? Me too. They’re quiet & their mileage is nuts! Gonna start the world’s 1st eco-friendly gang, Gang Green. Replace the crack game w/ stevia & sea salt. With these healthier alternatives, we’ll have the streets on lock, baby!
I just found out that centuries ago the name Saint Valentine was actually attributed to not one but three different martyrs…THREE different people! Which goes to show that even in these modern times, it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to have 3 valentines.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 