Cocksure Coxcombs
Some woman locked her car doors as I was walking by her the other day. This is a fairly common occurrence. Even though I’m pretty used to it, the various looks of fear still amaze me. Whatever. Next time I see a white lady just sitting in her car, I’m going to start screaming, throw her my wallet, and run to the nearest cop and tell him that lady is trying to attack me.
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ME: how about you?
FRIEND: good.. just same shit, different day
ME: hahah. exactly.
good thing it’s a different day.
ever get stuck with the same shit on the same day, it means you’re dead.
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Saw a kid with a baseball cap over his yarmulke. Do what you gotta do, kid.
The great actress CCH Pounder was walking near my street today.
She was walking with some guy, and they looked like they were going to Coffee Bean.
They passed me as we greeting one another.
The guy then told me I had some white stuff on both sides of my mouth.
BHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
(It was toothpaste.)
How many of you know a muthafugga so nasty, he uses his toenail clippings as toothpicks?
How many of you know a muthafugga so stupid, he thought the “Don’t Walk” and “Walk” crossing signs were telling him to give the first white person he sees a high-five?
I never see anyone reading in the local Christian Scientist Reading Room.
“Assholes drive Odysseys.” –A friend of mine
“If they wanted to kill us, we would’ve been dead already.” = One of the most used and awful lines that a character can say in a movie or TV show. Lazy writing at its finest/worst.
Optimus Prime Syndrome: what Caesar from Planet of the Apes has; when the leader of some group can’t help but to believe that all humans are good and worth saving.
This guy likes to tell me about how he likes to challenge cops when he gets pulled over. He has me in stitches half the time. Tells me his gets out of the car and gets in their faces. Tells me that he’ll rip up tickets, and calls them names. All kinds of stuff. Never gets into any serious trouble. And he’s still alive to tell his tales. Yup, you guessed it. He’s white.
I can’t stand it when bespectacled folks can’t see something and immediately say, “I’m not wearing my glasses” or “I don’t have my glasses with me.” Why aren’t you wearing your glasses, Person Who Can’t See Without His Or Her Glasses?? You’re all mixed up. Wear your damn glasses! What’s the problem? I bet you wipe your ass and then take a shit.
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OK.
I have a bus buddy from Honduras.
His accent is thick.
Very thick and sometimes it’s hard for me to understand him.
But I tried something today.
As he was talking, I translated the voice in my head, which is in my own voice, to a male Hispanic voice.
Suddenly, I could understand 99% of what my bus buddy was saying.
Incredible.
I was hearing his voice, but my brain was working overtime trying to decipher what he was saying.
So because my brain couldn’t ease up off the work, I made it easier for my brain by making the voice in my head speak with an Honduran accent.
It’s a workaround. And probably somewhat racist.
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There’s this guy around here who is so cocky. Soooooo conceited that when he proposed to his wife, I’m sure he just took her to a jewelry store, pointed to a ring in the display case, and said “I will marry you. You’re welcome.”
Orange tans. They have to be stopped. I recently saw a man so orange he looked like he was either going through a citrus-related jaundice or he was about to turn into Chester Cheetah.
I have a real problem with people who can’t look in the face when I acknowledge them. They will look everywhere but in my eyes. If you find yourself in this category of people, then you should beware. When you don’t look at my face during a conversation or in casual passing, I will go to your house in the middle of the night and wait by your bedside all night. So when you wake up in the morning, this football helmet head will be the first thing you see in the morning. Oh. Hell. Yes.
Hmm, maybe that’s why that woman locked her doors…
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 