Zero Emission
Judging how this year has begun, I’m sure it’s just 2016 in a 2017 costume.
If you cross a black cat’s path, will the cat have good luck? Or will it just scratch your eyes out?
Hallelujah Man is a man on my bus who wears a large straw hat, shades, and always says “Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” to himself. Over and over again. I don’t know what he’s rejoicing about, but whatever it is, it ain’t really working, dude. He’s been rejoicing for years, and he’s still on the bus.
Bears. Since when did they get associated with so many things? Bears are identified as lovers of honey. They’re mascots for toilet paper, Coca-Cola (especially around Christmas), cereal, beer, hotels, fabric softener, detergents, sports teams, forest fire prevention, candy, etc. How did something that can maul you and rip your face off come to be known as cuddly and cute? By that logic, we should all have barracudas and piranhas in our fish tanks at home and jackals and hyenas playing around on the living room carpet with our kids.
A guy was sitting at a table with a carton of orange juice in front of him. He had his eyes closed and looked like he was intensely training. A woman walks by, sees him, and stops in her tracks. She asks, “What are you doing?” He says, “It says 100% concentrate…” She walks away.
I selfishly hog my ride shares.
Ever hear someone’s laugh, and it sounds like they’re just learning how to do it?
I used to hate drinking water when I was younger. Wasn’t a fan at all. Turned it down at any and every opportunity. I thought that made me water resistant.
If you draw portraits of people at a Comic Con, does that make you a con artist? How about if you’re the family portraitist of the Kahn family?
I was riding with a friend who was having a hard time parking. She said, “I can’t park to save my life.” Ahem. I didn’t need her to park good enough to save her life. I need her to save mine. She can worry about her life later.
I got attacked by a sheepdog the other day. How come there isn’t a dogsheep, a sheep that wrangles up wayfaring dogs?
When people say that they don’t want to eat a certain type of food because they ate it very recently, what the hell? What? Is that food still digesting? Can your body not handle it? Do you have a 2-nights-in-a-row digestive-tract limit on Vietnamese pho, enchiladas, or cheese sticks?
Next Halloween, hand out colored hard-boiled eggs to the trick-or-treaters. If anyone gives you any static or lip, tell they asses that’s all you got left over from Easter. Then slam the door.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 