Bear Hugs and Onions
Dude in my standup said that he wanted to make sure that something was “repeatable, replicable, and reproducible.” It could just be me, but isn’t that incredibly repetitive?
I just want to go back in time and find the person who introduced raw onions in salads. I want to make him or her cry. I want to choke him out. Or her. Doesn’t matter. My vengeance to rectify culinary disasters knows no prejudices.
People don’t read anymore. For about 15 mins, I sat in an airport coffee shop watching people complain and bitch about how slippery a section of the floor was despite two wet floor signs posted at eye-level.
It is funny how we have stuffed teddy bears for kids, yet you really shouldn’t try to bear hug a bear in the wild.
A soccer team’s locker room should be called a sloccer/slocker room.
I want to invent a themeless theme park.
Cars depreciate as soon as you drive off the lot. Sounds ridiculous. I’d just drive the car around the car dealership for 2 weeks before driving away. Get my money’s worth.
Real conversation:
ME: How are you?
FRIEND: Sick with a migraine atm
ME: I’m sorry. Ugh.
For a second, I thought there was money in this migraine atm.
Ever talk to somebody and you see spit forming in the corners of their mouths? It’s pretty unsightly. It’s like that person has rabies and has to tell you about it. Go get your shots, weirdo! Keep your mouth moisture in your face.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 