Gentrifried Chicken

Cupping is becoming popular these days.  It’s way different than spooning.  Forking and knifing will be the next crazes.

A guy asked me the other day if I had any kids. He freaked out when I told him no. Then he asked me, “How come? How did that happen?” I said, “Well, I didn’t ejaculate into a woman’s vagina.” He shut up and kept driving the damn Lyft.

The seismic popularity of active wear is shaking the foundational equilibrium of the traditional dungarees, trousers, and britches universe.

A hover board is nothing but a Segway with the handle missing.

Saw a sign for a lost pet bird.  A lost bird?  A bird?!  How the hell am I supposed to report this?  “Hello…how are you?  I calling because I saw your sign posted.  Yeah, about the bird.  Well, I saw your bird flying over First and Hill…about 1000 feet in the air…did you want me to catch it?”

One of the those Verizon commercials just came on.  I swear Thomas Middleditch said 4LGBT network instead of 4GLTE.

gentrifried chicken joint

[jen-truh-frahyd chik-uhn joint]

noun

when white folks swarm in on a fried chicken joint or any other soul food establishment (usually located in the ‘hood or an area populated mostly by minorities) that they’ve recently heard is delicious, either through rave reviews from peers or from Yelp reviews

Other related examples: tacos, pho, boba, sushi, frozen yogurt, poke, etc.

Is it just me or does the concept of fraternal twins a bit disappointing? “You mean they’re twins and they don’t look alike. Awwww man.”

Can a woman be a man-nizer?