N.A.B.

You go to the restroom. You head to the urinal or toilet. You unzip your pants. You do your business. You go to the sink and wash your hands. See, this is where humanity can either soar to esteemed heights and skim the ceiling of godliness or crash into the nadir of neglect and nastiness. You had a choice. So what did you do? You just walked past the sink and right out the door. And here is the point where you should be skinned alive. Bruh, you just touched your genitals. Them shits ain’t as clean as you think. Now you’re going to go have coffee, shake hands, touch your face, touch someone else’s face, grab handles, cook, and anything else, contaminating everything that is and isn’t nailed down. Wash your fucking hands, man! You too, ladies! Being a nasty-ass bitch is not exclusive to any gender. Don’t be a NAB, a nasty-ass bitch.

Kids get too many choices these days. Just heard this woman say that she has to prepare multiple meals for her kids because one is a vegetarian, one can’t eat gluten, etc. Growing up, my friends and I didn’t have that option. We had to eat whatever our moms made. We had one option, and that option was meat.

Citizens of the island country of Lesbos are called lesbians. Yup.

When I was a kid, I used to check the change slots in vending machines for spare change. I did this for years. Up until the day I happened to stick my fingers in a change slot filled with bum piss. Ironically, it was a Mello Yello vending machine.

Recently, I saw for the first time a guy panhandling in the airport. I’m used to seeing this at bus and train stations. Not airports. He’s going to have to really hustle to get enough to buy one of these expensive airline tickets. Then again, he’s probably just trying to raise enough for his baggage fees or those $9 meals at McDonald’s.

There are some clocks that are 30 minutes ahead. How does this happen? What daylight savings time are they following?

Having an emotional support hamster, peacock, or any other animal is bullshit.

The survivors of the Vegas shooting can have emotional support animals. Not someone who feels a little “icky” or “super stressed, bro.” These airheads are taking advantage of the system. If you bring your emotional support pet and you don’t have a seriously legit reason, then I, and anyone else who feels the same way I do, should bring your pet’s natural predator on the plane so that it can eat you amd your pet.

You open a bag of corn chips or any fish dish on a plane. You’re holding us all hostage. You’re the real terrorist.

With that said, sky marshals should be prioritizing taking out these odor terrorists.

Why is it so hard to get the automatic sinks and auto paper towel dispensers to work? I swear. Whenever I find a sink that can finally detect my hands swinging back and forth in front of the sensor, the paper towel dispenser won’t notice me practically doing jumping jacks. If the sink works, then the paper towel dispenser won’t. If the sink sensor is playing hard to get, then the paper towels will flow freely. Most of the time, I just end up air-drying my hands by holding them out and busting spins like Julie Andrews did in the Alps in The Sound of Music. Hmm…it would be easier to just NAB it up and not wash my hands.