The Illeist
When people say, “What the actual fuck?” What the fuck are they actually saying?
An illeist is someone who refers to themselves in third person singular, meaning they’re talking about themselves as if they’re someone else. DeLane just learned a new word.
Actual quote from work: “We can have a pre-planning planning meeting before we go into the planning meeting.”
Actual quote from work: “I recognize strangers a lot.”
This coffee shop has no public restroom. Just one for employees only. So should I fill out an application to get hired so that I can take a piss? And after I relieve myself, can they relieve me of this job?
So there’s Fig Fest, Firefly Music Fest, Tailgate Fest, FYF Fest, Stagecoach Fest, Playboy Jazz Fest, New Orleans Jazz Fest, Austin City Limits Music Fest, Pitchfork Music Fest, Glastonbury Fest, Essence Fest, Isle of Wight Fest, Riot Fest, iHeartRadio Fest, MoPop Fest, Floydfest, Ohana Fest, FreshGrass Fest, LouFest, Hopscotch Fest, and hundreds of other fests. I’m going to start one called Bitch Fest, where I just grab a mic, sit on a stool, and complain about the number of festivals for 72 hours straight.
Texting while driving will get you a fine, but the cop I just saw driving his squad car while typing on his computer’s full-sized keyboard, I guess, is fine.
Diagonal crosswalks . . . because humans are too lazy to walk in right angles.
The latest installment of Jurassic World comes out next month. This will be the fifth one in the Watching Jurassic Park franchise, and the original movie debuted in 1993, 25 years ago. The audience can practically get Medicaid and senior citizen discounts at Sizzler. The dinosaurs should watch us onscreen in a movie called Jurassic Classics. Or Dinosores. We is old.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 