One Father’s Jeremiad

You don’t deserve what I’ve done.
You don’t deserve what I didn’t do.
You deserve to live life, wild and free.
Without a care, taking dares, playing musical chairs
My apologies for allowing your name to be dragged through the mud
I’m sorry for being ashamed of my own flesh and blood
When you came to your mother and me and told us your truth
I refused to believe, I thought I failed you as a youth
I disowned you, your mom stood by you, and I bemoaned you
The old you, or the man I wanted you to become, the grown you
And I know ignorance is not an excuse, and it shouldn’t ever govern you
And that my bigotry and prejudice is what made me stop loving you
But I was raised differently and was taught that a man should never kneel
To anything and we weren’t taught how to express how or what we feel
I wasn’t equipped to be a man man enough to raise a boy to a man
I wasn’t blessed like your mother, I failed to take command
Of my thoughts and my fears and my insecurities and all I lack.
I was scared for you, my son; it’s hard enough just being black
The hurt that I caused you, I wish that I could take back
I get frightened when I hear that another gay man’s been attacked
But I’m proud of you, I’m proud that you fight for what’s right in this land
I’m proud of your resolute determination to stand up to your old man
I swear, you’ve taught me more about manhood than any mentor I’ve ever had
Here, I’m supposed to be teaching you, yet the son’s schooling his dad
Who you want to love shouldn’t affect whether I love you or not
Thank you for helping me see this before my soul withered from rot
Please forgive me for not being the father than you needed
Or not taking heed to your cries over my hatred deep-seeded
Please forgive me for all of the disrespect, hurt, and neglect
When you were crying out for help, I’d just ignore and deflect
If God wants us to love everyone, no ifs, ands, buts, or exceptions
Then I have failed the Lord’s chief directive, from your inception
Be better than me, make your own footsteps and don’t follow mine
So when you have a son or daughter, you can guide them to align
With a more suitable example of compassion and humanity
Show your son a better way, show him what a real man can be.