Cookie Monster never eats any cookies.  He just crumbles them.  Wonder why he doesn’t have any teeth when he never eats cookies.  Cookies = cavities.  No cookies = no cavities = no rotten teeth.  This is all a lie.

Isn’t it weird how some fashion designers dress like they need fashion designers?

Recently, there have been some ridiculous “movements” in the media.  “All Lives Matter” and the “Straight Pride Parade” come to mind.  Next, they’ll be a Father’s Room instead of the Mother’s Room.  Or some men will start saying that since menopause has the word “men” in it, then women should stop discriminating against them and relinquish it back to its rightful owners.

Never understood why Batman would choose Robin as a sidekick. Robin is a teenager. As a crime-fighting superhero with a ton of dependencies, why you pick someone from the most notoriously unreliable demographic to be your assistant?

If life is a rat race, then that makes us disease-carrying, gluttonous vermin/rodents. Yup, that sounds about right.

Just heard a country EDM song.  Yup, that doesn’t sound right.

Self Parking signs are redundant. They should all be Parking signs. What about valet parking, you say? That should be renamed “Too Late/Lazy/Rich to Park” signs.

Badass backwards means despondent midsection or “sad ab.”

Sucking up is for suckers.

My poker face is more of a gin rummy or “Go Fish” face.  Maybe even an “I Declare War” face.

Cup or cone?  I’m more of an ice cream cup guy.  I like cones, but I tend to move when I’m eating ice cream.  The stability of a cardboard paper cup is eerily soothing to me.  Comforting.  Like a wintertime lullaby to my tongue.