Praying Mantis
People need to stop giving their kids last names as first names. There’s a kid called Harrison in this store I’m in now. He looks more like a Jebediah-Rudolph. Anderson, Cooper, Hunter, Thompson, Jackson, please stop. Here’s a name for you: Stopthatshit Rightnowman.
Kraft Heinz owns brands like Oscar Meyer, Ore Ida, Velveeta, Capri Sun, Kool-Aid, Jell-O, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Lunchables, and Planters. It also owns Weight Watchers. What? Does anyone else see a conflict of interest here?
There’s a guy at work who leans back in his chair all the time. He presses his hands together as if he’s between contemplating the meaning of life or devising an unscrupulous plan to steal as many children as possible for his chocolate factory labor camp. He looks like a praying mantis on vacation.
Ferrets, raccoons, and pandas just need to get their masked asses together and start a robbers gang.
How was it cloudy and still 102 degrees outside?
The 30-something year-old air conditioner in my place acts more like a rebellious, easily distracted, petulant 8-year-old.
People always tell me that I look like a different person when I have my glasses off. Well, I don’t know who that other dude is, but he needs to buy us a better pair of glasses and start chipping in on this rent.
So Los Angeles used to have the Pacific Electric Red Car Line, which at the time was the largest rail system in the world. In the 1940s, the car companies bought up the railroads and destroyed them or covered them up. Now, the city’s basically playing catch-up and extending the current Metro system. In another 40 years, the e-scooter companies will overtake cars and rail, and build out…I’m joking. That won’t happen. That’s ridiculous.
I stared at the temperature for some time, hoping that it was really the time and that it was 1:05 and the colon had fallen off somehow, and not actually 105 degrees.
Watched a true crime show about a paraplegic murderer. The guy was soulless and sole-less.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 