I RUN HOT 2

It’s getting hot again. Time for the latest edition of I Run Hot.  Catch the first installment here: https://inqthink.com/2013/05/31/i-run-hot/

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Walking at a leisurely pace, I sweat on my way to the gym.

My beads of sweat have beads of sweat.

Wore a white suit to wedding once. Everyone was supposed to wear white. The suit later became a color that Crayola and Pantone can only describe as “underarm yellow-tinged.”

In the event that the sun burns out in the next thousand years or so, I am strongly being considered as a backup energy source for the galaxy.

I walked to Chik-Fil-A and nearly passed out. Got so mad, started fanning myself with that spicy chicken sandwich. It eventually disintegrated. Fucked up my lunch.

Whenever I’m in a car, within 5 minutes, windows on my side fog up. This happens across all seasons. No joke here. This is real.

Nashville Hot Chicken has to put on gloves to handle me.

Ten seconds after I jump in the pool, there’s a lot of steam and it looks like a pot that’s boiled all of the water out.

I don’t shake hands in interviews or meetings. Not unless they specifically want wet hands.

Anytime I visit a park, it becomes a water park.

I can hold a fish out of water in my hands and it’ll live forever.

Kiss me and drown.

Solved the California drought crisis by sticking my finger in the ground.

The lyric “Don’t go chasing waterfalls” in TLC’s “Waterfalls” is widely misunderstood.  It’s actually a cautionary tale to not run after me for any reason.  If you do, it will only cause me to run faster, which will make me sweat more, which will produce stronger currents behind me, which will cause you to get caught up in the riptide.  Sorry.

Planes can now fly continuously for days at a time…as long as my oily forehead’s onboard to fuel them.

Me + any fan = water sprinkler

I can flick a bead of sweat off my fingertips with 99% accuracy at speeds up to 117 mph.

Unlike Thanos, when I snap my fingers, half of sentient life gets drenched.