It ain’t good.
Tasty is only one letter away from being nasty.
You would have to eat about 10 carrots for a few weeks to develop carotenemia, or get orange skin discoloration. The beta carotene in the carrot would do the trick. But we know that is not Trump’s problem. You know he ain’t eating any vegetables.
Is a hybrid apple pineapple called an apple apple or a pineapple?
Is a veteran veterinarian called a vet vet?
I don’t think being cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs means you’re crazy. You may just like Cocoa Puffs.
Waiting for a vaccine to me is like waiting to be seated on a Southwest flight. I always get the last seating group. I usually get the seat by the shitter. And the person standing next to me is usually coughing and I’ll be sick for a few days after arrival.
I can now officially say that I’m old enough and wise enough now to know that when someone says “No rush” that it usually means, in so many words, to “hurry the fuck up, you piece of shit.”
It is widely thought that I hate all dogs. This couldn’t be further from truth. Some dogs I dislike; others I’m cool with. What irks me are dog owners. Why is it that whenever a dog owner sees another dog they act like that’s the first time they’ve ever seen a dog? Some of them need to calm down. If you’ve seen one dog, then it’s pretty safe to say that most of the other members of that breed look similar to it. So just keep your heart rate down in the future and try not to scare the dog by putting your face in its face and belting out your ear-splitting cries of “oooooh” and “who’s a good boy?”
Since we always know it when you see an unmarked police car, aren’t unmarked police cars really marked?
Quilted Northern isn’t really quilted. Don’t fall for it. Your grandma would kill you if you wiped your ass with her quilt.
There is a such thing as a stupid question. Just know that.
I hear that lethargy is a side effect of some of the Covid-19 vaccines. I don’t want to feel tired. I’d ask them to hit me with an additional shot of adrenaline right afterwards. I’m going to need enough energy to make it back home.
This month marks a year since the lockdown began. It’s been a wild, sad, challenging, infuriating, and interesting year. One thing I’m grateful for is the mask mandate. Well, I guess it wasn’t exactly a mandate. Either way, I’m so glad that I’m wearing a mask. Why? Because y’all don’t need to suffer the punishment of smelling my breath. My breath isn’t what I thought it was. Smelling my own breath in a mask every day has made rethink my role in society and my place in the world. I’ve consumed more mouthwash and breath mints in the last year than in all the other years of life combined. Believe me. My mask is protecting all of you. My mask breath smells like something in between a donkey’s urethra and a donkey’s anus. Believe me. It taint good.
Think Ink|Thinq Inq 