Alphanumeric Characters

Americans. We’ll leave our kids in the car, but we’ll bring our dogs into the restaurant.

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Who the hell’s ever done that?!

There’s a medical facility called “New Vision Dental.” So which one is it?

Why is it that I always immediately hate the person sitting next to me on flights?

Watching subhumans try to figure out where their seats are and how the alphabet and numbers work has to be one of the 9 rings of hell.

Signs you’re on a flight to LA:

• People with more than 2 hair colors
• People with dogs
• The person next to can’t stop blowing his nose
• People dressed like anime characters for no apparent reason
• Thousands of yoga pants

I’m at a point in life where coffee doesn’t have much of an effect on me anymore. Honestly, sometimes it makes me tired. I need to try adding a supplement next time. Maybe I’ll mix my coffee with some pain.

Birthdays aren’t special. It’s just the day your mom got tired of carrying you around and decided to do something about it.

It’s funny how some people work out and then go straight to Starbucks and order the sweetest caffeinated drinks on Earth.

Why do gas stations have fractional prices, like $4.50 9/10?

Those who say “money isn’t everything” are usually those who wouldn’t give up any of their money.